Did I Like Severus Snape?
by rosips
Summary: Remus thinks about why Severus Snape turns out like he did


Am not joining the 'Snape-is-a-good-guy-and-he-didn't-kill-Dumbledore-at-least-not –without-Dumbledore-telling-him-to' brigade. I just started thinking about how the way we treat people in early life can affect their decisions and actions later on.

Anyway, Read and Review

Summary: Remus thinks about why Snape turned out like he did

**Did I like Severus Snape?**

Did I like Severus, the truth is….. Well I told Harry the truth. I neither liked nor disliked him. Well at the time I told him that anyway. It always seemed to me that he and Peter were far too alike. Both were the butt of the jokes from their 'friends' and 'enemies' alike. The Marauders picked on Severus, Slytherins picked on Peter and we all sought revenge on their behalf. Looking back I wondered, was putting Peter in the full body bind any worse than making Severus fly through the air?

Both boys had similar backgrounds, treated with disdain at home, hoping that they could escape their lives when they started at school. Both half bloods, worried they wouldn't be accepted for what they were. Both realised quickly that being part of a group would increase their chances of survival in the often happy, but for some, very cruel school days . Gryffindors known for their loyalty and friendship accepted Peter as a friend, Slytherins trust no one so Severus just tagged along behind other members of the house still searching, hoping for acceptance.

Both boys realised the best way to avoid trouble was simply to try and be as inconspicuous as possible. For Peter this meant hiding behind Sirius and James, for Severus it meant losing himself in books and avoiding eye contact and conversation. Severus found his niche – Potions. It was the one area where he could excel, where he could be the best, and he was determined to prove that he actually was the best. Lesson after lesson, he left the rest of us standing with his knowledge and precision. He even worked out how to make potions better! His own additions and corrections to potions that were patented years ago. It was the only place I saw him happy, the only place he really smiled. To hear him talk of his potions was to hear a man in love, fascinated by the small vials of different coloured liquid in front of him and pleading silently with you to share his enthusiasm and love.

I realise now Severus' school life was anything but easy and anything but the happiest days of his life. All he wanted to do was escape an abusive home, and he walked into abusive school days – maybe not so much physically, but emotionally. How easy could it have been to walk down a corridor alone and not now if you would get to the end of it without being hexed or cursed and then the worse thing – laughed at? How much energy did it take to just get through the day unscathed?

He wanted acceptance and when the Death Eaters came calling he must have thought all his Christmas' had come at once. Somebody wanted him for him. To use his skills at Potions and ability to blend in and give him credit for it. They promised him the earth and he took it. And then he found out the identity of those he was betraying, and I believe he was genuinely sorry. Why else would he go begging Dumbledore to save him? You see I believe deep down Severus didn't want to see classmates get hurt, much les killed. Even after the hell James and Sirius put him through, he still had some sort of loyalty.

What else could he do then but stay at Hogwarts and what else was there to do at Hogwarts but teach and what was there to teach but Potions. One of the best Potions Masters I believe Hogwarts has ever seen. But years of physical and emotional abuse took their toll, he still needed to feel he was in charge, that no one could belittle him or make him feel small, so he picked on those who were easy targets, those with no wizard parents, those with little ability, and those whose parents had made his life hell. Oh yes, he was a brilliant teacher, noone could fault his subject knowledge, just his teaching methods.

He seemed to have a love hate relationship with Harry; he had a great need to protect him, knowing he was the one who could take out his greatest tormentor, his greatest mistake. But he couldn't look at him and not see James. And he hated him, and Sirius and he probably disliked me too.

But like I told Harry, he made the Wolfsbane potion every month for me when I was at Hogwarts, and contrary to popular belief I don't hold that he did it simply because he dare not mess with it with Dumbledore around. And as for letting slip about my 'furry little problem' well everyone's allowed to make some mistakes in anger and this was one of his.

I don't know what happened at the top of the astronomy tower. I know what Harry said he saw and I know Dumbledore is dead and I know Snape cast the spell. But I don't know why. Did it all become too much? Did he feel the need to be accepted and trusted again? Did he just grow tired of suspicious glances untrusting eyes and thought he'd be better off with his 'old friends?'

I know if Harry sees him he won't give him a chance to explain but I would like to know why. It may just be wishful thinking but I like to think that deep down Severus is one of the good guys, whether he feels accepted into that position or not.

Ii often wonder if Severus had been accepted, if he had been welcomed warmly into a group of true friends – not people who wanted something from him but true friends, like Remus James and I, would he have turned out like he had. Would he have needed to go looking for acceptance elsewhere? I wonder if the Marauder were in part responsible for the man Severus Snape became.


End file.
